Im not quite sure where to begin, i guess a small background story.
I got dumped, not given any specific reason why, or at least if it was hinted i missed it. or im just too dense to see it. or im just plain stupid and didnt pay attention when she told me what it was. whatever the reason, i feel like she is mad at me for not being there for her.

well... it would have been much easier for me to be there for her if she let me know she needed me to be there. but i always had to guess, and if i guessed right, i got to help, if i guessed wrong, she got mad at me. im not psycic, i cant read minds, sure it may feel like it sometimes, but thats because i like to read things, i like to figure out where things are going. but sometimes, or most of the time, you gotta tell me what is going on, i am just a human after all.

its like theres a bullet proof vest you never wear, but you get shot, and get angry at the vest for not protecting you, even tho you never put it on.

i dont know what to do with this, i love her to death, but i dont know how long i can hang on. i know the old saying that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but thats like saying there are many awards to be won, but only one championship... and that was her in my mind.

or maybe she thought i didnt trust her, but she didnt let me know this, if i did something wrong she wouldnt tell me like she promised she would, she would just be mad at me for it, and then let me try to figure it out. i am a very simple guy, somethings wrong, tell me... ill fix it. something needs to change... tell me, ill fix it. im doing something you dont like... tell me, ill fix it. but you HAVE TO TELL ME! no matter how hard to stare into my eyes i still cannot read what your thinking, i do not posses that ability in life. i wish i did, by the ancient scrolls i wish i did. but i do not. i dont know how many people read what i write, i just needed to vent in a place where there is a small chance she will read this, and if she does please... please do not me angry, im venting, letting out all the unproven frustrations i have, i have no proof to anything i say, just one of the ways i see what is happening. im sorry i couldnt be all you wanted me to be. im sorry.

If you want to know what goes on inside my head.... talk to me after you get parallel lines to intersect.

I was looking at my Deviant art page, and noticed i barely ever update this thing, so i thought i would today.

Life seems to be more interesting as of late, ups and downs combined so that it feels halfway normal. one of the ups is i got my new phone, and it is awesome, the down is i have to pay 200 dollars for it. one of the downs is we may be going out of bussiness here at the computer shop, the up part is i already am working two jobs so i will at least be able to get a little more sleep befor i start looking for a new job if we do go out of bussiness.

it got cold here recently, a bit to fast... i finaly have some free time to go out and do stuff and it gets cold on me. its like nature is laughing and saying *tough luck dude*

oh well, ill just put on a couple more layers and go for a jog this evening. =^_^=

i promise, one of these days i will post some art on here that i think looks pretty good, i dont have enough self esteem to just post whatever i draw because i think it looks aweful. but ill put something up soon.... i hope.

i hope that this journal seems a bit more up that my previous one, that was a bad day ^_^

i wish you all my best wishes, and for many smiles to be coming your way!

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one day whipped men everywhere will rise up...
and there will be a reckoning....

"what? no dear im not starting another rebellion!"

....one day....

If you want to know what goes on inside my head.... talk to me after you get parallel lines to intersect.

well, as of wednesday august 20th, i am 21 years old.

and i would have to say it is the worst birthday i have ever had. ever.

i had the whole week off from my below minimum wage job, but not off from caseys, i now work at caseys because i hit a deer with my car, and need to make more money than my below minimum wage job gets me. so i know work 15-16 hour days just trying to get by.

to add to that, members of my own family didnt even care to show up or be around for my birthday, the one day of the year that should be mine, and the only day of the year i wouldnt feel guilty for being a little selfish, and yet i am denied things going the way i wanted.

for anybody about to turn 21, get ready for a flood of younger people wanting you to buy them alcohol, its shocking.

this year just kinda feels like a slap in the face by life saying "no, nobody cares that much about you, no matter how much good you do to others, they will forget you and pretty soon you wont even exist to them. get used to it."

so that kinda paints a picture as to how life is going for me these days. there is but one ray of sunshine but she is usualy asleep by the time i get off of work at my second job. tho its still enough to see her sleeping peacefuly, it helps me know there are some things worth working for and its not all for nothing.

life goes on i guess, right?

----------------------------------------------------
one day whipped men everywhere will rise up...
and there will be a reckoning....

"what? no dear im not starting another rebellion!"

....one day....

If you want to know what goes on inside my head.... talk to me after you get parallel lines to intersect.

1. Slept naked? yeah

2. Taken a shower with someone? yes

3. Made out with a member of the same sex? no

4. Drove a car? yes

5. Stole anything? sort of

6. Ever been in love? yes

7. Been dumped? yes

8. Stole money from a friend/family member? no

9. Gotten in a car with people you just met? yes

10. Been in a fist fight? do all my one sided battles count?

11. Snuck out of your/someones house? yes

12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? yes

13. Been arrested? no, i have connections

14. Hugged a stranger? yes

15. Met up with a stranger of the opposite sex somewhere? no

16. Left your house with out telling your parents? yes

17. Had a crush on your neighbor? no

18. Ditched school to do something more fun? no

19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? yes

20. Lost a friend? yes ='(

21. Been on a plane? no

22. Been to an island? no

23. Slept in until 3? no

24. Love someone or miss someone right now? yes

25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes

26. Made a snow angel? yes

27. Played dress up? no

28. Cheated while playing a game? no, never!

29. Been lonely? yes

30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night? no

31. Been to a club? no

32. Felt an earthquake? no

33. Touched a snake? yeah

34. Ran a red light? no

35. Been suspended from school? no

36. Had detention? no

37. Been in a car accident? yeah

38. Hated the way you look? yes

39. Made yourself throw up? no

40. Crawled through a window? yes

41. Been lost? yes

42. Been to the opposite side of the country? no

43. Felt like dying? yes

44. Cried yourself to sleep? yes

46. Sang karaoke? no

47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? ...yes...

48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

50. Kissed in the rain? yes

51. Sang in the shower? no

52. Made love in a park? no

53. Had a dream that you married someone? yes

54. Glued your hand to something? yes

55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? no

56. Ever gone to school partially naked? no

57. Been a cheerleader? no

59. Didn't take a shower for a week? yes

60. Ever been too scared to watch scary movies alone? no

61. Played chicken? yes

62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? yes

63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? no

64. Broken a bone? all the time

65. Been easily amused? yes

66. Laugh so hard you cry? yes

67. Mooned/flashed someone? no

68. Cheated on a test? no

69. Forgotten someone's name? all the time

71. Done something dumb while drunk? no

73. Blacked out from drinking? no

74. Played a prank on someone? yes hehe

75. Gone to a late night movie? yes

76. Made love to anything not human? no.

77. Failed a class? no

78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no

79. Smoked pot? no

81. Celebrate the 4th of July? yes

82. Thrown strange objects? yes

83. Felt like killing someone? every once in a while

84. Thought about running away? yes

85. Ran away? tried to once or twice

86. Got a piercing? no

87. Cut your own hair? yes

89. Made a parent cry? yes

90. Cried over someone? yes

91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? yes

92. Dated someone more than once? no

93. Had/Have a dog? yes

94. Have an iPod? no

95. Smoked a cigarette? no

96. Been in a band? no

97. Drank 25 sodas in a day? no

98. Broken a CD? yes

99. Shot a gun? many

100. Wanted someone but could never have them? yes

----------------------------------------------------
one day whipped men everywhere will rise up...
and there will be a reckoning....

"what? no dear im not starting another rebellion!"

....one day....

what if your wrong?
what if theres more?
what if the arms that catch you catch you by suprise
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NAME: Clayton Little
BIRTHDAY: August 20th
BIRTHPLACE: Des Moines, Iowa
CURRENT LOCATION: Panora Iowa
EYE COLOUR: Blue-Grey-Green-Gold, depends on my mood and happiness
HAIR COLOUR: Dark Red
HEIGHT: 5'8"
L/R HANDED: Both

THE SHOES YOU WORE TODAY: Black New Balance 406
YOUR WEAKNESS: Piano Music, Biting my Ear/Neck
YOUR PERFECT PIZZA: Homemade
SINGLE OR GROUP DATES: Both
GOAL TO ACHIEVE THIS YEAR: Loose Weight, Get a Second Job, perhaps even get married.
YOUR MOST OVERUSED PHRASE ON AN INSTANT MESSENGER: Interesting
YOUR BEDTIME: after midnight most nights
YOUR MOST MISSED MEMORY: I miss the lengthy text messages from my girlfriend, its been more of the simple quick one or two word ones lately
PEPSI OR COKE: ew, Dr Pepper or Mt Dew for me.
McDONALDS OR BURGERKING: Burgerking
LIPTON ICE TEA OR NESTEA: tea is tea to me, i prefer to make my own.
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA: Chocolate
CAPPUCCINO OR COFFEE: Both, Whenever they are needed.

DO YOU SMOKE: Nope, never will, i cant... im allergic
DO YOU SWEAR: Nope
DO YOU SING: Only sometimes
DO YOU SHOWER DAILY: Yes
HAVE YOU BEEN IN LOVE: Sorry, been is past tense, for me it is current and ongoing.
DO YOU WANT TO GO TO COLLEGE: I have done my time
DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED: Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF: Not much, im just me.
DO YOU GET MOTION SICKNESS: never
ARE YOU A HEALTH FREAK: Nope, i just take care of myself
DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS: I love them!
DO YOU PLAY AN INSTRUMENT: I play Piano and Violin.

1. DRUNK ALCHOHOL: Nope
2. SMOKED: Nope, cant.
3. BEEN ON DRUGS: No.
4. GONE TO A MALL: Yeah.
5. EATEN A BOX OF OREOS: nope, thats a sugar overdose just waiting to happen
6. EATEN SUSHI: yeah, but we didnt call it that at the time
7. BEEN ON STAGE: a couple times
8. BEEN DUMPED: yeah

DO YOU WORK: yes, maybe more here soon
IN A BOY/GIRL?: never been in a girl, but ive been a boy my whole life.
FAVORITE EYE COLOUR: Brown
FAVORITE HAIR COLOUR: Red
SHORT OR LONG HAIR: Both
WEIGHT: the way they are
BEST CLOTHING STYLE: Comfortable
NUMBER OF CDS I OWN: alot
NUMBER OF PIERCINGS: none
NUMBER OF TATTOOS: i dont have any, but i do have plenty of scars
THINGS IN MY PAST I REGRET: Some Choices, alot of actions.

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Unless i grip my sword, i cannot protect you
while gripping the sword, i cannot embrace you.